Relationship Q&A
The novelty of being a wife wears off quite quickly.
December 17, 2009 by · 4 Comments
WARNING:
If you end up getting married, some months or years after putting all this into practice we’re going to need to warn you.
The novelty of being a wife wears off right about the time that you feel like you are having to work harder than your husband does. I’m not talking about away from the home, I’m talking about at the home. One of the unfortunate truths about being a wife and mother is that you are the only one with the skills necessary to successfully manage all that goes on in a busy household; with the kids, the meals, shopping, as well as balance the cheque book and pay the bills.(wait there’s more)
It can be very easy for a career woman to go down the tubes of bitterness thinking, “why the heck does he get to come home and hit the couch, and I have to pick up the kids, shop, cook, clean, bathe, read stories, clean up human waste, plan birthday parties, go to church, make lunches, (wait there’s more) …
All to get up and do it over again tomorrow, and for some women, still go to work in amongst all this!? Oh yah, it can really suck, royally at times.
Parenting has to be one of the most thankless, tiring, unattractive jobs on the planet. Also one of the most rewarding. Thank goodness for cuteness and giggles and first steps and birthday parties, because we surely need something to distract us from smelly diapers, vomit, laundry, dishes and homework. There will be many years where you will be entrenched in motherhood and if you aren’t careful you will surely drown in your bitterness. There is a way to thrive while being amother, and wife, but you’ll have to wait for the next book to read about that.
Actually you don’t have to wait for the next book to read about that Ladies. The whole point of this website is to really be there for each other. To really help and assist women to be content and happy in their marriages. A place to ‘turn things on a dime’ and bring the love back home, where it should be. We all make mistakes. We are a race of brokenness and perpetual failing. But each day we get to get back up and start over. Each day, each hour, right now, we get to choose to have even our next breath be diffrent than the last hundred. aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.
The more you coment, the more you participate, the more you share your life here, the more interaction we can start having with each other, the more success we can nurture, the more families we get to touch. There’s a child who gets to see a miracle happen with her mommy and daddy, that she never saw before, reconciliation.
Andrea MacLeod.
Here for good.
My experiences started 36 years ago, when I met a man, who had been married to an alcoholic and had 3 children 10, 11, and 12. It was a match “made in heaven” for us, but outside influences such as his and her children, finances and in law problems caused this relationship to be very “bumpy”. We made a vow to each other that we would not let anyone come between us as we knew that we were really “meant for each other”. He told his children, if they were not accepting of me then we would have no relationship until that was accomplished. Eventually they saw how happy we were and how disfunctional their mother was and started to come around to the idea that our relationship was “healthy” compared to what they had seen at home. Over the years they came to live with us off and on (the mother had custody). Now it is still difficult to have that complete “family” feeling amongst our children, but they are trying to associate with each other and make up for lost time.
As to me, there were many tragic moments, such as when the police came to our door and said that one of my husband’s boys had been killed in a car accident, but we have stayed strong and worked together and our love grew with each passing year. We are “seniors” now, but we have a love that has stood the test of time and is growing every year. Hang in there if there is a “true love” and it usually turns out well!!!
NO KIDDING! I so agree about the women-having-to-work-harder bit. It seems to stem from the breast-feeding phase when daddy can say, “Oh I think he’s hungry,” and pass off everything to mommy in the wink of an eye. The whole being on-call-24/7 for everybody else’s needs gets a bit wearying, too. QUESTION: how to free oneself of the resentments? We women (wives/mothers) don’t want to STOP being there for everyone, but how can we keep from feeling utterly consumed (like Margaret Atwood’s “The Edible Woman”)?
Thank you Ali. Something I’ve noticed with the hundreds of women I’ve been working with specifically focusing on what matter most to us,(the quality of our relationships) is that we all have a desire to want to contribute and make a difference. There is great satisfaction in caring for others. I’ve seen women literally come out of deep states of depression because they were put in a position of having no choice but to care for someone else. The key to not becoming consumed and bitter, is to know what you are committing to and set a limit for yourself on how many commitments you take on each month. I have learned to ‘hold my tongue’ when normally I jump up first and say “I’ll do it!” Now I wait. I wait until someone asks me, and most times I say YES…because I can. I think its great when once a year or so I am in a bit of overwhelm with my commitments. Have you ever been in a situation where you said “That’s it, I’ve taken on too much!” This is actually a time where we get to see just how far we can stretch ourselves, we get to see where the breaking point lies and we also get to see where we quit. I have great respect for people who admit they have these feelings of wanting to quit and then complete what they said they would. I’ve also noticed that ‘taking on the world’ falls into the ugly ‘control’ state of being. Being in overwhelm regularly creates drama and gives women a perceived permission to be a victim to their circumstances. I could go on and on about the many things I’ve witnessed about women taking on too much, not enough, quitting, completing, selling out on and supporting others to quit and so much more. I might be able to fill an entire chapter of a book talking about the power of a woman responsibly and generously taking on the world vs. needing to be in control and stay stuck in being victimized.