It’s officially fall and I made it through my relationship slump and all is WELL! It’s crazy but it’s the God’s honest truth that my relationship goes through this little ‘blip’ that lasts about two and a half months, right smack dab in the middle of summer.

As a homeschooling mom, who lives in a rainforest 9 months of the year, by the time mid spring rolls around I’m about done with everything. My kids can take a hike, my house’s state of spring cleaning is beyond ignoring and if my husband frets about things getting out of hand in the ‘routine’ department well…he can go unstuck himself! I am literally in a state of “I’m done! Let me enjoy my sunshine, I’ll be back mid September.”

Me thinking that this attitude is actually going to help me have a wonderful summer is embarrassing to admit. I’m such an idiot, I should know better.

I’ve had some insights of ‘self sabotage’ patterns and ‘holding back from ‘having it all’ with a sprinkle of ‘I’m not worthy’. Yah those kind of insights. Ewwww!

As I prepare for a production event I am managing next month, I’ve centered my goals around eliminating these three limiting beliefs and am counting on my team of powerful women to assist in my metamorphosis.

I’m feeling especially grateful that when my marriage is in a slump that I never worry about if we’re going to make it. That isn’t a question I ever ask. The question I ask myself is, “are you still going to love him even if your mad?” “OF COURSE I AM DIMWIT!”

One of the recent things I’ve said to my husband is this, “just because I’m mad doesn’t mean I don’t love you.” This has broken a string of patterns in itself and a tip I think is worthy of charging for. I hope some of you can relate, because sometimes I feel like a freak.
My conclusion is this: Andrea MacLeod needs to go shopping for big girl panties every spring, because she really needs to use em’ during summer or she’s gonna have to live with a grizzly ogre. I declare and vow to change my evil ways next year so that this pattern of destruction is gonzo!
 Thank you for connecting with me today. I am you, and you are me, which means I love you! Keep on keeping on my lovelies.

Andrea.Tweet

Womensville – A Social Networking Site For Women – Looking for Love, Divorce Alternatives, Women’s Studies, Marriage Advice, Dating and Relationship — WordPress

Greetings sister,
Thanks for asking about how to recover from that common, aftermath feeling of an argument with your husband. This is something each of us wives can relate to.

You, in your ultimate wisdom and brilliance have the power and skills to turn this all around. Your marriage will have dozens more times of this happening and its OK! The key is to look at these cold shoulder moments as a distancing mechanism. Relationships need distance from time to time. I heard someone once say “what’s missing in most marriages is the missing.”

Arguing is what we do when we are too afraid to expose our heart to our husbands. Arguing is only our ego protecting us. What lies underneath the arguing is a scared, vulnerable heart not ready to be expressed.

The very best thing you can do for your relationship is to find out what pain you were trying to cover up when you were arguing and then step into a state of bravery and expose that to him. This can only be done if you are 100% sure, your ego will not flare. Exposing ourselves to our husbands is a gift, we get to accept we aren’t perfect and he sees beauty in your bravery.

When there is an obvious pulling away in my relationship, I honour it. I use it as a reflection time.

A woman’s ego prevents us from accessing intimacy with our husband. If we are afraid of being intimate (connecting and or exposing our love) our ego will be present in our relationship.

Showing our children the many ways of being intimate is the ultimate gift we can give them. Here are some baby steps towards becoming more intimate with your husband, children and friends.

Look at them; wait and when they catch you looking, smile and hold that gaze; feel the connection. (POWERFUL)
When you walk past him, run your finger across his shoulders/back, slowly.
All acts of generosity are acts of intimacy; caring for a loved one’s needs and acting on them without any expectation of anything in return.

These three things will bring great depth to any relationship.

It’s ok for our children to see us distancing from their daddy, what’s most important is that they see you coming back towards him, and then seeing you kiss after the storm has passed. Our children should see this dozens of times during their childhood. This teaches them that it ok to distance, and that coming back to each other is a choice.

Something I have implemented into my relationship is once a month, a week before my period, I say to my husband, “Honey, I’m going to be getting my period in about a week and so, I could use a little space.” This has been a profound act of superb relationship management on my part.(If I do say so myself). This actually builds in that distancing mechanism without an argument doing it for me. Arguments are our ego protecting our hearts, so I’d rather implement exposing my heart and having a structure of distancing as a form of managing my relationship successfully.

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1. Know what your long term vision is for your relationship

A great way to connect with the women in your life is to organize a night or afternoon where you can create dream boards together, starting by writing out what your long term vision is for your relationship and then building  your dream board from that perspective.

2. Make a list of the things that you did when you were dating that brought love, laughter and joy to your relationship. You know what they are; it’s what had him want you to be his wife. When things aren’t going well, pull out this short list and see what you could do that day and watch your problems melt away.

3. Focus on his Winning Character Traits that had you want to be his wife. Write them down and speak to that man. And he will continue to rise to be that man more and more because you summoned it.

4. Check your ego at the door. Two ego’s in one relationship will destroy! He already has an ego that makes up the sum total of who he is as a man, so do yourself a favor and keep your ego out of your relationship and exercise it else where.

5. Quit making  him wrong. Men hate being made wrong. It’s tied to their ego’s. They can’t help but react violently when made wrong by anyone. A great way to respond to someone who is wrong is, “Hmmm, I never thought of it that way, I’m going to have to give that some thought.” Then let it simmer. This tip gives your ego a chance to simmer down because when we think someones wrong, it’s not us that thinks it, it’s our ego, and we don’t want our ego anywhere near our relationships.

 Womensville – A Social Networking Site For Women – Looking for Love, Divorce Alternatives, Women’s Studies, Marriage Advice, Dating and Relationship — WordPress

(BTW, some of you aren’t going to like this article)
Lately as I expand my network of women to over 15,000 I see a trend for the women in their 40’s that are single, the trend looks like this; After years of a dead marriage, they divorce; all for the right reason’s apparently and then she, the wife, starts her enlightenment journey and lives happily ever after.

Womensville realizes the power that a woman taps into when she is liberated.
Leaving an unhealthy relationship so that she can become healthy again is liberating.
Leaving an addict for the safety of herself and the children is liberating.
Reclaiming your power after giving it away for decades is liberating.
Putting an end to the insanity of a failing marriage is liberating. And the list goes on.

Womensville would like to bring that liberating feeling to women in such a way that will keep her family in tact. Helping women get their relationships back on track is the name of the Womensville game. Just like the seasons, our relationships are always in a state of change. If a woman isn’t ready for the great level of responsibility her relationship requires of her, it will surely fail.

Accepting and knowing that we, the women are the only ones who are qualified to successfully manage our relationship can be liberating, with the right attitude!

It is liberating to have ‘ah-ha!’ moments that revive the trust back into a jaded relationship. It’s liberating to understand a new perspective. It’s liberating to witness yourself taking risks as a means to keep your family together. It’s liberating to show your man just how much you care about finding solutions. It’s liberating to say, “Quit messing with our relationship buddy~you have no skills!” It’s liberating to say “Honey, I need some space.” There are so many ways for women to be liberated in their relationships. The key in succeeding with that liberation is knowing if it’s your ego or your commitment that is driving the risk taking that is mandatory for a relationship to grow.

Womensville is here to teach women how to live boldly, love deeply, accept fully and access power and miracles

Womensville is here to teach women how to live boldly, love deeply, accept fully and access power and miracles into her family so that her children can ‘see mom in action.’ This is where your children will truly learn how to have successful relationships. Son’s will seek a wife with these fantastic character traits and daughters will have a role model of what it means to be committed and what it takes to succeed, in all areas of life.

We realize that not every relationship can be saved. Some things are just out of our control.

For those of you who know you could use a little coaching & who need help in staying clear on your long term vision for your relationship and family; come to Womensville.

 We’ll remind you of why you married him and why it’s important for you to take risks in your marriage. We’ll shed light on things that seem impossibly dark. We’ll remind you that “at the moment, you’re in a temporary state of insanity; have faith that the real you will be back shortly if you would just trust.” We’ll show you how to keep the monkey chatter in your head at bay and what to do if you accidentally over fed those monkeys. We’ll help you bring the romance back, heal from heartbreak, and trust when you have no reason to.

Womensville is not for all women; it’s for women who want solutions and who are willing to pay the many installments necessary to keep her family unit together, so that her children don’t have to pay the price for her.

There is great power when a woman can tap into enlightenment and share that depth of maturity with her spouse.

And for the women who are already part of the community of broken families; it’s not too late. The best gift a mom can give to her children is to respect their father, no matter how despicable he is, or what he has done to you or the kids. Respecting that he is on his own personal journey means a lot. Offering blessings and always speaking kindly to and about your children’s father will heal the damage that was done on the day that the family was officially declared dead.

This is what Womensville is. You don’t have to like it; you just have to know that it won’t change. It will always be here for you when you return and offer the same advice that is about supporting the third entity~ your relationship.

I promise to answer every question posted on the forum; and I am so confident that there is a solution to every woman’s relationship problem that if I fail to help you, I’ll buy you a coffee. And if I succeed, perhaps you could buy one for me.

Oh, and one more thing, my very close friends and family call me Andi. I invite you to call me that too, that is if you’d like to become a close friend and be part of  my family.Tweet

This link will take you to our Forum. You can make an anonymous login name to post your questions and set it up to notify you when comments have been made on your post.

Andrea MacLeod
Founder of Womensville.com

 Womensville – A Social Networking Site For Women – Looking for Love, Divorce Alternatives, Women’s Studies, Marriage Advice, Dating and Relationship — WordPress

          If you have a husband, do him a huge favor,

          tell him your going to the mall with your girlfriend. I’m 

          betting he’ll be so happy  with the news, that he might

          even say “Here’s a $1,000 take your time.”

I was at the mall this morning with “mini-me”, and as we stopped for lunch at the food fair, I was struck by all the men there.

I was first creeped out by the old, unshaven, loitering men who were staring at me while I agonized in line for what felt like an eternity.

Then as I sat down, far away where no elderly eyeballs could see, I noticed all of the other men sitting with their women having lunch. It was interesting to say the least. Most all were listening to their women with a glazed look over their face with the occasional darting of eyes that were pulled towards the magnetic women who strolled passed. The others sat scratching lotto tickets. All I could think was, “not one of those guys looks happy to be here.” Ladies, if you are single, don’t go the mall to shop for men even though there are plenty of them there. And once you get yourself a boyfriend or if you have husband, do him a huge favor, tell him your going to the mall with your girlfriend and you’ll see him later. I’m betting he’ll be so happy  with the news, that he might even say “Here’s a $1000, take your time.”

Andrea.

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Womensville – A Social Networking Site For Women – Looking for Love, Divorce Alternatives, Women’s Studies, Marriage Advice, Dating and Relationship — WordPress

Definition of Assume;
Take to be the case or to be true; accept without verification or proof; “I assume his train was late”. Make pretence of; “She assumed indifference, even though she was seething with anger.” To authenticate by means of belief; to surmise; to suppose to be true, especially without proof; To take on a position or duty; To adopt an idea or cause
          Definition of Trust;
Have confidence or faith in, allow without fear, reliance, and believe, the trait of believing in the honesty and reliability of others;

One of the great things about being a parent is that we get to see what it is like for someone to assume trust; it’s our children. Our children assume trust in us.

One of the biggest gifts we can give to our children is to have them see us assuming trust in others, but what’s most important is that they see us successfully deal with matters when that trust is broken, after all life is all about recovery.

We also trusted our parents, we trusted our teachers, we trusted our friends, somewhere along the line we chose to not forgive and thus the trust we were born with was broken left for us to one day repair.

Studies also show that children are natural forgivers.

We were born to forgive and as you can see children are very quick to forgive. Some parents may not agree because their child is not forgiving. It’s ok, because as long as that child sees their parents being forgiving they will see that it is indeed a natural human tendency.

If we were to strip away all of our stories and misconceptions about who we are and say “I was born to trust and I was born to forgive” this can set up a new paradigm for our life and in a very short period of time we will witness the results of those renewed beliefs.

It’s biblical to trust and forgive. It’s the lynch pin of Christianity and many other religions.
I’m more convinced than ever that reintegrating trust and forgiveness into our life as adults is the biggest accomplishment we could ever reach, not just for the freedom and all of the short term benefits that come with it, but mainly because of the legacy it will carry with it for future generations.

Imagine parents consciously teaching their children how to keep trusting and keep forgiving by being the role models who practice it every day.

Andrea MacLeod.Tweet

 Womensville – A Social Networking Site For Women – Looking for Love, Divorce Alternatives, Women’s Studies, Marriage Advice, Dating and Relationship — WordPress

Divorced? Don’t be too hard on yourself. No woman walks down the isle thinking, “O.K, so 7 years from now, I’m going to leave, my kids are going to live with me two weeks a month, and the man I’m about to marry is not going to be making his child support payments.”

Sometimes the worst case scenario happens (sometimes because too often we focus on that) but what’s done is done. I have personally met women who two years or more after divorcing their husbands and splitting up the kids and a life of hell, they get back together. I’ve seen couples get back together and recreate the relationship and it is nothing short of miraculous. I used to think this was quite unique, but now there are more and more women who are tapping into enlightenment and encouraging their girlfriends to join them. In doing that, women’s social circles see reconsiling things with your ex husband as socially acceptable. 

 Obviously there’s something huge for the children to gain from this besides the fact that their parents are back together but also they get to see how the two worked things out, and can be included in why everything happened the way it did, and that mom and dad just needed time to work things out.

Now for those of you who cringe at this thought, don’t worry,  you too can give your child many gifts from the unfortunate breakdown of your marriage. You may think I’m going to say that showing them you are happy in your next relationship or marriage would be it, but that comes only second to what I’m going to say. The best gift you can give to your children is to have a successful and productive relationship with your ex husband. No badmouthing. No blaming. Always being courteous and kind. Smile at him and laugh with him. Show your children that you have the character to be able to go your separate ways because it was what had to be done, and that you care enough about your children for them to witness that their parents are mature enough to still get along.

The relationship you have with your ex, reveals the truth about your character. Even if he is a complete freak, you can emit forgiveness, cooperativeness and pleasant communication. It doesn’t matter how good your relationship is with your new husband. You and your ex will always be the parents of your children and that is the relationship they will model.

If you are looking for a way to shape your character, tap into enlightenment or make a difference in your community. Start with reconcilingthings with your ex.

Definition of Reconcile:

• end conflict: to solve a dispute or end a quarrel
•  to persuade somebody or yourself to accept that something undesirable cannot be changed.
• put people back on friendly terms: to bring two or more people back into a friendly relationship with each other 

You’ll be surprised at how reconsiling things with your ex, (whatever that looks like), will impact your life and your children’s future. You will give them skills that they need in life. You will show them how responsible you are. You just might save them from also becoming a product of divorce. You can do it. If you want to.

Womensville, a social networking site for women. Divorce alternatives, dating, relationship advice, women.

 

Here are some of the topics that women just like you are talking about on the Womensville.com FORUM. You are welcome to comment on any of these. Be brave. Offer your voice and offer your own struggles. We are all women and we all know how it feels to be stuck. We also know how it feels to get unstuck. Success stories are always welcome! Your story could change the life of another.

•    How can I learn to trust myself more? by Dazed and Confused 
•    My friend is breaking my heart! by Martyr’s Friend 
•    TV and Computer Intake Challenge by Andrea MacLeod
•    As you stand in the light of success, be warned the minute you start focusing (at all) on your own needs, you will be whipped off the success track like one of those mass train derailments. I promise you this. by womensville 
• Fantasy: “I want to be able to tell him everything, that’s what real trust is in a relationship.” by womensville 
• Making decisions in your relationship is no place for your emotion filled fantasies. by womensville 
• Turning it around on a dime. Relationship Tension. by Andrea MacLeod
•  Is this a sign of infedelity? by Confused in BC 
• Does he have what it takes? by Lily  
•  Relationship Mentor by Lily  
•  Living Together by Lily 
• Marriage is Seasonal by womensville 
• Going to the next level by WhatToDo 
• It’s all about Perception Baby. He can and IS your Knight, right now. by Andrea MacLeod 
• I can’t take his negative attitude anymore. help! by VancouverGirl 
• Living with Grumpy…any help or opinions would be great! by Sunshine67
• 3 dates and you’re out – do I say so or not? 
• Sister, We Need To Talk by Lynnette 
• What’s Your Bliss? by womensville 
• Dating – when to narrow it down to one by Lily
• Feeling Frustrated by Tania C 
• I cheated on my husband by Girlie Girl 
• Learning about his terms or being walked over? by Lily  

Women need to express all the time. The mere act of expressing is often all a woman needs, to come to her senses and make the necessary changes to get the results she wants.

Sometimes women need to express and be related to, before we can believe that we are not alone and that our problem isn’t unique.

Womensville’s Forum is a place to express whatever is encumbering you.  Womensville.com will respond to all posts like this; We will assume you the reader/listener are already at a place of high self esteem. If the advice given  does not sit well for you ask yourself, “how would I respond to this if I were in a state of high self esteem?” Then decide if taking your self esteem level into your own hands is something you want to do, so that you can access results. This, my friend is what personal coaching is all about. We’re here to help you get results. REAL results.

Before you post something on the forum it will be helpful to you if you first decide if what you want and need is;

a) just a place to vent

b) seeking someone who can relate to you, so that you can access hope and  not feel alone.

c) needing a place to be right

d) ready to access the advice given by womensville, by taking responsibility for raising your level of self esteem, so that the advice can best reach you and give you the results you are looking for.

Womensville. A social networking site for women.

Have you ever met a woman who was growing and changing and evolving leading eventually to divorce?

Emotionally, physically and spiritually she felt like she had outgrown her husband. Have you ever heard a woman say, “I feel like I’ve left him in the dust,” or “I’ve outgrown him,” or “I’ve changed so much, I’m not the woman he married.” This is a phenomenon that pulls women out of their marriages and gives them a false since of accomplishment because they can confidently stand in ‘being right.” Because they are right. She’s changed, he hasn’t. It is a fact. She is right.

Some women and men, care more about being right than they do about doing what works. I would urge all women,(and this is a reminder for myself too ladies) that when we go out into the community and contribute or take some courses or get a new job that inevitably grows our character, keep in mind that sharing that growth with your husband will contribute to his growth too! Its true try it!!!(I bet you don’t believe me)

If we grow and leave our husbands in the dust, then what we’re really doing is setting ourselves up for disaster and possibly divorce. I’ve been guilty of this. Keeping busy has been a way for me to cope with not having anything in common (or so I thought) with my husband besides our children. The most important thing a new wife can do is include her husband in everything she does, not necessarily physically but by sharing and showing him who she is, who she is becoming and all that she is learning. The only thing a husband needs in order to keep up the drive to please his wife is to make sure he knows who his wife is. The minute he doesn’t know her, is the minute he is confused about how to make her happy. A man who knows his wife, knows how to keep pleasing her. So lets start showing our husbands who their fantastic wives are. Be grateful that you have a lifestyle that allows you to go out and make a difference in the world. That allows you to develop your character. And most of all, use all that development as a way to successfully contribute the empire of your own family! Our families should be the very first people who get to access all of our skills and love. This is how legacies are made. This is what teaches our daughters how to thrive in and outside the home. If our Character development doesn’t improve the quality of our marriages at the same time as everything else you are doing, then there is something seriously wrong. Sometimes too much personal growth work can actually destroy a marriage, because it is an illusion that you are growing and breaking through barriers from your past. But if that growth doesn’t deepen your marriage at the same time, it’s a RED FLAG!
Openly exposing ourselves isn’t easy. Being honest with our husbands isn’t easy either.
Have all of your endeavors be a mission to first impact the quality of your family and then impact the quality of the rest of your life and you will experience what real success feels like. You won’t need to be right any more. You won’t have any desire to leave anyone in the dust. You’ll get a taste of reality and not have to get sucked into some fantasy.

WomensVille

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When I was dating,  I swore (to myself) that when I got married, I’d never be like the rest of the wives out there. I made sure that if my man was out with the guys and he heard them complaining about their wives that he would sit there proud and privileged knowing that I wasn’t like any of those women.(I’m recoiling right now YUK)  I was going to be different, special, unique, numero uno! Definitions of ego; an inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others; your consciousness of your own identity. (Yah, that was me.)

The price that I have paid in living my marriage from my ego had left me paralyzed to take risks in my marriage.I felt I couldn’t ask my husband for more than what he was already providing for us. If I asked for what I wanted, and he said no, then letting it go would be the right thing to do.

In living color my attitude was the agent for my ego.  (My attitude is; I don’t need you, I can do it myself.)  My marriage, although functioning and working, was slowly dying. I didn’t’ see it coming.   In year ten of my marriage, it was as though my marriage had a heart attack, nearly fatal. Out of nowhere, it went from healthy, active, and alive to flat lining. My relationship was resuscitated at the June 2006 Sterling Woman’s Weekend, relationship seminar. My marriage was given a second chance, I got to piece together all that was falling apart.  I got up off the stretcher and into the arms of my marriage and turned everything around.
After a year or two went by, there were a few had heart palpitations, when things got hard I had thoughts of, “I’ll just keep making my relationship work, until the kids move out, then I’ll thank him for everything and tell him what a good father and husband he was, but that I had to leave because my heart and soul were paralyzed.” 

What I see now is that being in my ego is easy. Not having to expose myself is easy. Not being responsible is easy. Taking things personally and blaming others is easy.

I’ve always been a risk taker in my life, quite adventurous, seeking thrills, but not in my marriage. The kind of risking that was necessary there was too scary. Exposing my true self. Faults and all.

 The benefit I see in risking, for married women and  I”m talking about exposing ourselves risking, not ego gratifying, finger pointing risking, is that we eliminate the chance of atrophy of the heart. By risking we make room for our husbands to be our heros. By risking we are no longer confused. By exposing ourselves, our husband gets to know who his ever changing wife is.

I’m here if anyone wants to talk further about this.

Andrea MacLeod