Greetings sister,
Thanks for asking about how to recover from that common, aftermath feeling of an argument with your husband. This is something each of us wives can relate to.

You, in your ultimate wisdom and brilliance have the power and skills to turn this all around. Your marriage will have dozens more times of this happening and its OK! The key is to look at these cold shoulder moments as a distancing mechanism. Relationships need distance from time to time. I heard someone once say “what’s missing in most marriages is the missing.”

Arguing is what we do when we are too afraid to expose our heart to our husbands. Arguing is only our ego protecting us. What lies underneath the arguing is a scared, vulnerable heart not ready to be expressed.

The very best thing you can do for your relationship is to find out what pain you were trying to cover up when you were arguing and then step into a state of bravery and expose that to him. This can only be done if you are 100% sure, your ego will not flare. Exposing ourselves to our husbands is a gift, we get to accept we aren’t perfect and he sees beauty in your bravery.

When there is an obvious pulling away in my relationship, I honour it. I use it as a reflection time.

A woman’s ego prevents us from accessing intimacy with our husband. If we are afraid of being intimate (connecting and or exposing our love) our ego will be present in our relationship.

Showing our children the many ways of being intimate is the ultimate gift we can give them. Here are some baby steps towards becoming more intimate with your husband, children and friends.

Look at them; wait and when they catch you looking, smile and hold that gaze; feel the connection. (POWERFUL)
When you walk past him, run your finger across his shoulders/back, slowly.
All acts of generosity are acts of intimacy; caring for a loved one’s needs and acting on them without any expectation of anything in return.

These three things will bring great depth to any relationship.

It’s ok for our children to see us distancing from their daddy, what’s most important is that they see you coming back towards him, and then seeing you kiss after the storm has passed. Our children should see this dozens of times during their childhood. This teaches them that it ok to distance, and that coming back to each other is a choice.

Something I have implemented into my relationship is once a month, a week before my period, I say to my husband, “Honey, I’m going to be getting my period in about a week and so, I could use a little space.” This has been a profound act of superb relationship management on my part.(If I do say so myself). This actually builds in that distancing mechanism without an argument doing it for me. Arguments are our ego protecting our hearts, so I’d rather implement exposing my heart and having a structure of distancing as a form of managing my relationship successfully.

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Thank you Marci Shimoff for joining Womensville Radio. Thank you for sharing yourself with us so intimately. I really loved your story of forgiveness that you shared about you and your sister. Sharing how to “Love for no reason” is a profound message that I hope women will be touched by as I was.” Host of Womensville Radio, Andrea MacLeod.

Womensville.com A social networking site for women looking for love, dating advice, parenting support, personal coaching and divorce alternatives.

Marci Shimoff (Shy-Moff) is a #1 New York Times bestselling author and a world-renowned transformation teacher. As an expert on happiness, success, and unconditional love, Marci has inspired millions of people around the globe, sharing her breakthrough methods for personal fulfillment and professional success. Her newest book, Love for No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love is brand new out right now. In it, Marci introduces a revolutionary program to live in a deep and lasting state of love and shows you how to access that at any time and in any circumstance. Marci’s other books include the runaway bestseller, Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out and six titles in the phenomenally successful Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul series. Her books have sold more than 14 million copies worldwide in 33 languages, have topped all of the major bestseller lists, and have been on the New York Times bestseller list for a total of 118 weeks. Marci is one of the bestselling female nonfiction authors of all time. Marci is the also the host of the national PBS television special called Happy for No Reason. In addition, she’s a featured teacher in the international film and book sensation, The Secret. Marci is a professional speaker and a leading expert on happiness, success, and unconditional love. She is dedicated to helping people live more empowered and joy-filled lives. Please join me in welcoming to our show today, Marci Shimoff. (after the interview) To learn more about Marci, please visit her website www.TheLoveBook.com

Divorced? Don’t be too hard on yourself. No woman walks down the isle thinking, “O.K, so 7 years from now, I’m going to leave, my kids are going to live with me two weeks a month, and the man I’m about to marry is not going to be making his child support payments.”

Sometimes the worst case scenario happens (sometimes because too often we focus on that) but what’s done is done. I have personally met women who two years or more after divorcing their husbands and splitting up the kids and a life of hell, they get back together. I’ve seen couples get back together and recreate the relationship and it is nothing short of miraculous. I used to think this was quite unique, but now there are more and more women who are tapping into enlightenment and encouraging their girlfriends to join them. In doing that, women’s social circles see reconsiling things with your ex husband as socially acceptable. 

 Obviously there’s something huge for the children to gain from this besides the fact that their parents are back together but also they get to see how the two worked things out, and can be included in why everything happened the way it did, and that mom and dad just needed time to work things out.

Now for those of you who cringe at this thought, don’t worry,  you too can give your child many gifts from the unfortunate breakdown of your marriage. You may think I’m going to say that showing them you are happy in your next relationship or marriage would be it, but that comes only second to what I’m going to say. The best gift you can give to your children is to have a successful and productive relationship with your ex husband. No badmouthing. No blaming. Always being courteous and kind. Smile at him and laugh with him. Show your children that you have the character to be able to go your separate ways because it was what had to be done, and that you care enough about your children for them to witness that their parents are mature enough to still get along.

The relationship you have with your ex, reveals the truth about your character. Even if he is a complete freak, you can emit forgiveness, cooperativeness and pleasant communication. It doesn’t matter how good your relationship is with your new husband. You and your ex will always be the parents of your children and that is the relationship they will model.

If you are looking for a way to shape your character, tap into enlightenment or make a difference in your community. Start with reconcilingthings with your ex.

Definition of Reconcile:

• end conflict: to solve a dispute or end a quarrel
•  to persuade somebody or yourself to accept that something undesirable cannot be changed.
• put people back on friendly terms: to bring two or more people back into a friendly relationship with each other 

You’ll be surprised at how reconsiling things with your ex, (whatever that looks like), will impact your life and your children’s future. You will give them skills that they need in life. You will show them how responsible you are. You just might save them from also becoming a product of divorce. You can do it. If you want to.

Womensville, a social networking site for women. Divorce alternatives, dating, relationship advice, women.

Hello friends.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the purpose of womensville. So that you will want to come back and mostly so that you can leave inspired and ready to put into action things that will truly impact and grow you, in your current relationships.

Here’s what I know;  after spending close to 22 years meeting every week with women. Women need each other. Even though we are some of the most capable and successful women in the world, we still need each other.

One of the tragic things about women is that they compete with each other, not for each other. If women could shift their competitive nature with each other, we could really change the world.

Women compete for status and image. Women, even the most successful have low self esteem, because there’s always another woman who has more of what they want. As soon as we loose touch with being in a state of gratitude, that’s when the villain of low self esteem pops in. (I talk about this in chapter four of my book).

I had the fortunate experience of finding a women’s group that was so committed to serving the community, that we had little time to compete with each other. Instead we competed for each other and all of our lives benefited.

There are very few opportunities for women to really support each other like that.

I just want you to know that I am that woman for you. All those women that fought for my success in my marriage, are the reason I’m still married today.(and happily I might add.)  I am that woman who will tell you what you don’t want to hear, and not worry about you not liking me any more. I am that woman who will love you all the way to success. I am that woman who will not sell out on you.

One of the reasons why women sell out on each other is we don’t want to loose our friends and we don’t want our friends talking badly about us behind our backs. And when tough love is present and it doesn’t land right, that’s exactly what is at stake for all of us.

Just to be clear. I’m here to;

• Support you in finding solutions to your relationship problems.
• Help you stay tapped into all of the reason’s you fell in love with your husband but may have forgotten.
• Give you hope that you are not alone and that right now, you can change your reality to more of what you want.
• Show you concrete examples of how to keep your level of self esteem high and authentic.
• Point you in the right direction of getting professional help if needed.
• Remind you, that you are perfect and loved right now, just the way you are.

I, Andrea MacLeod, promise that my mission is to support women to succeed in their relationships. My only motive is to love, support, guide and offer as much assistance and practical advice that I know works. I promise to confess if  I just don’t know  how to help you. I promise to be as authentic with you as possible so that you can trust me. I promise that what I offer you is based on the last 21 years of meeting with hundreds of women each week and is based on what I witnessed and have practiced myself.

 

Womensville. A social networking site for women.

 

Here are some of the topics that women just like you are talking about on the Womensville.com FORUM. You are welcome to comment on any of these. Be brave. Offer your voice and offer your own struggles. We are all women and we all know how it feels to be stuck. We also know how it feels to get unstuck. Success stories are always welcome! Your story could change the life of another.

•    How can I learn to trust myself more? by Dazed and Confused 
•    My friend is breaking my heart! by Martyr’s Friend 
•    TV and Computer Intake Challenge by Andrea MacLeod
•    As you stand in the light of success, be warned the minute you start focusing (at all) on your own needs, you will be whipped off the success track like one of those mass train derailments. I promise you this. by womensville 
• Fantasy: “I want to be able to tell him everything, that’s what real trust is in a relationship.” by womensville 
• Making decisions in your relationship is no place for your emotion filled fantasies. by womensville 
• Turning it around on a dime. Relationship Tension. by Andrea MacLeod
•  Is this a sign of infedelity? by Confused in BC 
• Does he have what it takes? by Lily  
•  Relationship Mentor by Lily  
•  Living Together by Lily 
• Marriage is Seasonal by womensville 
• Going to the next level by WhatToDo 
• It’s all about Perception Baby. He can and IS your Knight, right now. by Andrea MacLeod 
• I can’t take his negative attitude anymore. help! by VancouverGirl 
• Living with Grumpy…any help or opinions would be great! by Sunshine67
• 3 dates and you’re out – do I say so or not? 
• Sister, We Need To Talk by Lynnette 
• What’s Your Bliss? by womensville 
• Dating – when to narrow it down to one by Lily
• Feeling Frustrated by Tania C 
• I cheated on my husband by Girlie Girl 
• Learning about his terms or being walked over? by Lily  

Women need to express all the time. The mere act of expressing is often all a woman needs, to come to her senses and make the necessary changes to get the results she wants.

Sometimes women need to express and be related to, before we can believe that we are not alone and that our problem isn’t unique.

Womensville’s Forum is a place to express whatever is encumbering you.  Womensville.com will respond to all posts like this; We will assume you the reader/listener are already at a place of high self esteem. If the advice given  does not sit well for you ask yourself, “how would I respond to this if I were in a state of high self esteem?” Then decide if taking your self esteem level into your own hands is something you want to do, so that you can access results. This, my friend is what personal coaching is all about. We’re here to help you get results. REAL results.

Before you post something on the forum it will be helpful to you if you first decide if what you want and need is;

a) just a place to vent

b) seeking someone who can relate to you, so that you can access hope and  not feel alone.

c) needing a place to be right

d) ready to access the advice given by womensville, by taking responsibility for raising your level of self esteem, so that the advice can best reach you and give you the results you are looking for.

Womensville. A social networking site for women.

Memories of that phrase come to mind as I watch the Icelandic Volcano erupt over and over again.  It is causing so much disruption in travel, the economy and on personal budgets too.   One volcano in a country so far away effecting things we do here right in Canada?   Wow, powerful isn’t it? 
That makes me think of Anger and how it can cause all sorts of issues, disrupt lives and be felt down the line from where it actually starts from.  Did you know Anger can be a by-product of other feelings that are lying underneath the surface and not being dealt with?  If not dealt with appropriately at that time, these feelings then sit there, bubbling away until one day – BOOM!!!! – there is a huge explosion that comes out of nowhere and leaves people wondering what the world just happened.
These feelings can be of sadness, feeling irritable or restless, fear, hurt, distant, jealous, confused, frustrated, inadequate, overwhelmed, resentful, guilt, ashamed, embarrassed, helpless, rejected… and the list goes on.  Feelings that at the time that they occur, are powerful within themselves, but if left unattended to will fizzle for a bit and bubble until they can overwhelm you into Anger.  It is important to go underneath your anger and discover what else lies there.
If this happens to you, ask yourself these questions:
Where did that come from?
What am I not seeing here?
What else am I feeling?
Is there anything I haven’t dealt with from previously that I may need to?
What have I been holding onto that may be ghosting here?
Have I eaten or drank water in the last little while (sometimes thirst or hunger can cause us to blow up when not intending to due to dehydration or low blood sugars)? 

The point here is to go beneath the surface and check it out. If these feelings are not dealt with and are constantly shoved under the rug, they will erupt sooner or later and most often under the disguise of Anger.

Lynnette Vetsch
Director
Amaxa Coaching and Training Services
http://www.amaxa.org/

Four Pillars of Support
Written By: Lynnette Vetsch
Director
Amaxa Coaching and Training Services

The other day I was sitting in a girlfriend’s living room with three other women.  We were chatting about our relationships; our ex husbands and the relationships we were currently in.  It was at that moment that something occurred to me.   It is so easy at times for us to get stuck in our relationships while often enabling our partners in their current situations. 
As you are probably (somewhat painfully?) aware, women are emotional creatures by nature.  We tend to be empathetic, feeling the pain of another, and we want to rush to nurture, comfort and fix the problem for them.  Or get caught up in the excitement of the adventure that they may offer.  However, we may not be aware that we are taking on the responsibility of other’s issues. 
Is that fair to us or to them? No it is not.  It is not fair to us as it usually takes us down with them.  It is not fair to them as it normally enables them to continue with those destructive behaviours and can cause more issues down the road that we will not want to be a part of.   
One thing that became very apparent during this wonderful morning of comfort and support: we need people who can offer support in many forms for us.  We need this so we can recognize, learn and grow from where we are to where we want to be.
There are four basic types of support that we need to move forward with: The Thinker, The Doer, The Communicator and The Listener.  Generally, I find that each type of support comes from different people.
The Thinker is someone who will take the time to ponder the situation and ask you thought-provoking questions to make you look at the issue from every possible angle.  They will help you analyze an issue, brainstorm ideas, and shed the light on parts of the issue you may never even thought were there.
The Doer is the one who can put things into Action. This person is your list and direction person, the one who can say, “okay let us do this, this and this; or let’s try a couple of things here.”  The Doer provides you with your chunked down version of a goal you wish to obtain.  They will take you step by step through getting to where you want to be with your idea and support you with various resources they are attuned to.
You then have one in your circle of friends   who is The Communicator.  This person is brutally honest and can give you the kick in the butt you may need. This person comes at you bluntly and speaks straight forward as to how things really are…no sugar coating at all!  They love you with all their heart and they know what is good for you and what is not.  They are the people who don’t put up with any guff and can call it like it is. They are important people in your circle as they are the people who provide that pillar of strength when you don’t necessarily have any yourself. 
Your final one is one who is The Listener and allows you to spew like a volcano when needed.  They just sit there and listen to all things, whether they are good, bad or ugly.  They do not judge you but offer strong arms for hugging and patience to just let you do what you need to do.
It has been my observation and experience that without these four types of people in one’s world, we stay stuck in our behaviours and do not move beyond our comfort zones.   When choosing your circle of friends, consider having these supportive and loving people amongst them and challenge your world to stretch.

Lynnette Vetsch
Director
Amaxa Coaching and Training Services
http://www.amaxa.org/

Motherland, a film by Jennifer Steinman.

On December 1, 2006, six women from diverse backgrounds came together to take a very unique trip: a 17-day intensive pilgrimage to volunteer in rural South Africa. Prior to the journey, these six women did not know each other. However they all shared one thing in common: they had all suffered the death of a child.  “Motherland” is a documentary film that reveals what happened, and the lives that were forever changed, on this journey of hope and healing.

Thank you Jennifer, for the women’s lives that have been touched by this film and for spending time on womensville radio sharing what it was like filming.

www.motherland-thefilm.org/press.html

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/MOTHERLAND-a-documentary-film-by-Jennifer-Steinman/73010307639?ref=ts

What is bliss? I think most would say “A state of extreme happiness.”

As women approach forty, there is an inner knowing of who we really are, who we’re not, and who we won’t ever be.  There is also a strong force of knowing who we must be, based on that knowledge.

My challenge  to you all is to find a way to tap into the one thing that makes your heart sing like no other.  And let it simmer. Let that feeling of bliss melt into the rest of your life.  There is nothing more beautiful than being with a woman who is dancing in that bliss and sharing that joy with others. You are one of those women. Share your joy with us and your loved ones. You are beautiful.

Top Ten Reasons to Access Your Bliss:

10.It takes your focus off of yourself and onto a bigger picture.

9.It makes your own problems look smaller when focusing on contributing.

8.It becomes part of the legacy you will leave behind.

7.It exposes who you are to the world around you.

6.It gives you a chance to tap into Gods Plan for you.

5.It gives you a chance to acknowledge your natural strengths.

4.You get to make new friends who are like-minded.

3.You may be able to create your dream job out of it.

2.You can write a book about it and share that with the world.

The number one reason to tap into that state of bliss…..

BECAUSE YOU CAN.

Honey, sweet heart, pumpkin… you can do aaaaannnnnything you want and I’ll never stop trusting you. Never! This is the kind of trust that is needed in building a 50 year marriage.  Without Trust, the level of love in a marriage does not grow in depth; it just stays fragile hovering on the surface. In a marriage; love will come and go. Each year our feelings for each other will fade and return, just as the seasons change. The love that all married couples seek,can be found in Trust.
Look at trust the way you look at an insurance
policy. Making monthly installments is not that hard, for some it feels automatic; hardly giving it a second thought. Trust is also quite effortless when all is going well.  Now imagine a crisis happens and you need to make  an insurance claim and your broker says, “We’re not going to cover you. We don’t think you deserve it.” Trust is the insurance policy guaranteed to cover you when you need it most. When things go wrong and we want to pull the trust away; is precisely when we need to trust the most. Honey, sweetheart, pumpkin… You can do aaaannnnything you want and I’ll never stop trusting you. Never. This kind of trust will set your marriage back on track if it has fallen off, and will heal all wounds caused by an ever recovering broken heart.  Trust is what moves marriages to a deeper level of love.  Trust is what teaches our children how to be responsible, is what builds character and is what transforms lives.  Trust is a gift we give.

Do you think you have what it takes to succeed in a 50 year marriage? Because, really, this is it. Being married is hard. Being happily married takes work. Work normally isn’t always fun. Work takes commitment, and discipline and being responsible.  Then once you are in the groove of success and have figured out how to bounce back from stuff that randomly happens, you will have more and more fun as the years go on.          
          Get through several dozen trials and character building challenges; that’s what builds a relationship into something magical.

Written by Andrea MacLeod, Vancouver BC