So the other day I posted how lately I have been pushing the limit on being let off the hook with my behaviour and lack of relationship management because of some events and work commitments I had to complete on. I’ll just get right to the point about what I learned. IF for some reason I need to ask my husband for help because I have deadlines and projects that have become a heavy workload for me, I better make for darn sure I don’t do something as stupid as mess with his man-stuff.

HERE’S THE THING. MEN HAVE VERY LITTLE THEY CAN CALL THEIR OWN ONCE THEY ARE MARRIED.

 He jokes with our boys and says, “What’s her’s is her’s and what’s mine is her’s.” The home is a woman’s domain, it is not and never will be a man-cave. Going to work away from the home is as close to a man cave as he’s gonna get and then when he comes home, he’s not coming home to his safe, familiar, man cave, instead he comes home to a woman’s territory that has no respect for his stuff. He flipped a lid when I didn’t ask him first if I could use his desk as a cake table for my birthday party. “Lighten up” I said “it’s just a table and it was my birthday.” THAT was not the point. It was his table, it was his stuff I moved, and if I would have asked, he would have said yes and everything would be fine. To a woman this makes absolutely no sense. What a freak. But…after thinking about it I thought yah, that was really dumb of me to use something of his without asking him as I’ve known for 20 years that his few things he can call his own, which are less than 5 things, mean a lot to him.

So, wake up call number 64, “NEVER USE ANY OF MY HUSBANDS STUFF WITHOUT ASKING FIRST.” I can never be reminded of this too often.

 I think I need to go buy a new pair of shoes.TweetAndrea.

Dashboard ‹ Womensville – A Social Networking Site For Women – Looking for Love, Divorce Alternatives, Women’s Studies, Marriage Advice, Dating and Relationship — WordPress

(BTW, some of you aren’t going to like this article)
Lately as I expand my network of women to over 15,000 I see a trend for the women in their 40’s that are single, the trend looks like this; After years of a dead marriage, they divorce; all for the right reason’s apparently and then she, the wife, starts her enlightenment journey and lives happily ever after.

Womensville realizes the power that a woman taps into when she is liberated.
Leaving an unhealthy relationship so that she can become healthy again is liberating.
Leaving an addict for the safety of herself and the children is liberating.
Reclaiming your power after giving it away for decades is liberating.
Putting an end to the insanity of a failing marriage is liberating. And the list goes on.

Womensville would like to bring that liberating feeling to women in such a way that will keep her family in tact. Helping women get their relationships back on track is the name of the Womensville game. Just like the seasons, our relationships are always in a state of change. If a woman isn’t ready for the great level of responsibility her relationship requires of her, it will surely fail.

Accepting and knowing that we, the women are the only ones who are qualified to successfully manage our relationship can be liberating, with the right attitude!

It is liberating to have ‘ah-ha!’ moments that revive the trust back into a jaded relationship. It’s liberating to understand a new perspective. It’s liberating to witness yourself taking risks as a means to keep your family together. It’s liberating to show your man just how much you care about finding solutions. It’s liberating to say, “Quit messing with our relationship buddy~you have no skills!” It’s liberating to say “Honey, I need some space.” There are so many ways for women to be liberated in their relationships. The key in succeeding with that liberation is knowing if it’s your ego or your commitment that is driving the risk taking that is mandatory for a relationship to grow.

Womensville is here to teach women how to live boldly, love deeply, accept fully and access power and miracles

Womensville is here to teach women how to live boldly, love deeply, accept fully and access power and miracles into her family so that her children can ‘see mom in action.’ This is where your children will truly learn how to have successful relationships. Son’s will seek a wife with these fantastic character traits and daughters will have a role model of what it means to be committed and what it takes to succeed, in all areas of life.

We realize that not every relationship can be saved. Some things are just out of our control.

For those of you who know you could use a little coaching & who need help in staying clear on your long term vision for your relationship and family; come to Womensville.

 We’ll remind you of why you married him and why it’s important for you to take risks in your marriage. We’ll shed light on things that seem impossibly dark. We’ll remind you that “at the moment, you’re in a temporary state of insanity; have faith that the real you will be back shortly if you would just trust.” We’ll show you how to keep the monkey chatter in your head at bay and what to do if you accidentally over fed those monkeys. We’ll help you bring the romance back, heal from heartbreak, and trust when you have no reason to.

Womensville is not for all women; it’s for women who want solutions and who are willing to pay the many installments necessary to keep her family unit together, so that her children don’t have to pay the price for her.

There is great power when a woman can tap into enlightenment and share that depth of maturity with her spouse.

And for the women who are already part of the community of broken families; it’s not too late. The best gift a mom can give to her children is to respect their father, no matter how despicable he is, or what he has done to you or the kids. Respecting that he is on his own personal journey means a lot. Offering blessings and always speaking kindly to and about your children’s father will heal the damage that was done on the day that the family was officially declared dead.

This is what Womensville is. You don’t have to like it; you just have to know that it won’t change. It will always be here for you when you return and offer the same advice that is about supporting the third entity~ your relationship.

I promise to answer every question posted on the forum; and I am so confident that there is a solution to every woman’s relationship problem that if I fail to help you, I’ll buy you a coffee. And if I succeed, perhaps you could buy one for me.

Oh, and one more thing, my very close friends and family call me Andi. I invite you to call me that too, that is if you’d like to become a close friend and be part of  my family.Tweet

This link will take you to our Forum. You can make an anonymous login name to post your questions and set it up to notify you when comments have been made on your post.

Andrea MacLeod
Founder of Womensville.com

 Womensville – A Social Networking Site For Women – Looking for Love, Divorce Alternatives, Women’s Studies, Marriage Advice, Dating and Relationship — WordPress

OK so I’m going to be forty this year and just realized that I missed my entire thirties of being able to use this very important relationship management tip that is worth millions! So listen up! And for those of you much smarter than me and have been using this your entire adult hood I commend and hale your genius. For those who have not, this is a gift from me to you.

OK so, imagine chaos, raised voices, ego’s engaged between me and my beloved.(chuckle, I know) I extend my hand and gently place it on his lower arm and say, “Honey? I’m about to get my period and so if you could give me a bit of space I’d apprec…..” Before I could even finish, he retreated with great apology, smiled and said, “OH! OK, thanks, no problem.” And he respectfully left me alone for two whole days and when he was around he was what seemed to be on his best behavior! WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS MAGIC TRICK?? I’M FORTY AND COULD HAVE USED THIS FOR ALL OF MY THIRTIES!!!! Deep breath. Deeeeep Breath.

Andrea.Tweet

Womensville- A social network for women looking for love, divorce alternatives, dating and parenting tips.

This past weekend I had an up-close and personal experience of the power that being vulnerable has. A woman from womensville asked me for some advice about how she can keep loving her husband when the novelty of being married to a Neanderthal is wearing incredibly thin.

When I was thinking about how I was going to respond, I decided to take my own advice, before giving it to her, because how could I give advice if my own relationship was in the toilet that day, or should I say for the last month. I was way over due for getting my relationship back on track and so I put on my big girl panties, dropped Miss Princess and zipped up my incredibly stiff and uncomfortable dress called Queen Andrea. I decided that from the moment I woke up on Saturday morning I would not let my ego be present in my communication with Neall, my husband.

The morning wasn’t looking promising.

We pulled out our long lists on each other and did some stabbing with ‘what I hate about you is…’ and my ego was totally engaged by Neall’s.  I literally felt like I had to reel in my ego every 10 seconds. The only sign I had to know my ego was gone was that my eyes started leaking.

Every time I reeled in my ego it felt like I was yanking on an imaginary pulley that was opening up a thick wall surrounding my heart. When the ego engaged, the wall slammed shut over my heart again. Then I’d reel it in again,  like a big salmon out of the Fraser River, to once again expose my tenderness, my pain.

Once I finally managed to bolt my ego up and keep my heart exposed long enough to no longer be a threat to Neall’s ego, he shared the depth of his love that he had for me.  It left me speechless. This day was broken up a bit buy some various errand running that I had to do, but those silent times were reflection times. I told him I believed him. And I confessed that meant what I said last year about promising to not look for a way out of this marriage, and that what I really wanted was to find a way in. I asked him to bare with me and my emotional craziness, and to please keep being the solid rock that I married, to please keep being the responsible, reasonable and reliable man that was unmistakably Neall MacLeod. As I’ve shared this story, with friends, it has brought me even more tender intimate moments, even on the phone, with the women I am close to.  

I’m clear that part of my becoming wise journey, will be including more times of intimacy with all of the people in my life.

I’m convinced that the only thing that made it safe for Neall to express how he really felt about me was because I kept my ego out, and created a safe and intimate space for him to speak freely.

Andrea.

PS. I think I’m ready to keep Queen Andrea around and let go of the Princess. Neall has never stopped acting like a King. The Princess in me hasn’t really been happy about that at times, but today… I couldn’t be happier.

Tweet
 Womensville – A Social Networking Site For Women – Looking for Love, Divorce Alternatives, Women’s Studies, Marriage Advice, Dating and Relationship — WordPress

So I thought it was only fair that if I’m asking you, my loyal Womensville family to expose yourself and your personal problems, that it would only be fair that I do the same. Let me tell you a little more about  me, and my marriage.

I’ve attended lots of personal development workshops, courses, programs, women’s groups as well as read most popular, self improvement books that have helped me become the woman I am today. I have no regrets on any of them.

It’s been quite fun, exciting and relatively easy over the years growing and improving myself ….until now!

Last year, I decided to attend my churches 12 step program called “freedom session”. We’re located in the city and have regular recovering visitors looking for hope.  I was so impressed that our pastors and leaders completed the course that I thought, “How could I not also humble myself enough to take the course?”  This cool young pastor said, “We’re all in recovery.”

 This intrigued me. So I went. How hard could it be? I know all about how to be a good participant in a course. It’ll be great, fun, exciting…I’m in!

This has been one of the most excruciating courses I’ve ever done. Not only is it over nine months long, every week, with ridiculous amounts of homework, but also has required me to expose things about myself to the group that no one else knows about me. I’m talking stuff I was planning on taking to the grave stuff. Yah, tough.

After lots of work, I finally was divinely lead to a place of coming clean with my husband about how I had been holding myself back from giving all of myself to him. I told him that I was forever done with blaming him for my irresponsible actions and that I was truly sorry for the stuff I had mismanaged in the past.

Yes, it was a day that I decided to put on my big girl panties and act like a grown up girl… woman.

 
I can honestly say and mean it when I say ” he owes me nothing”. Only I am responsible for me. Only I can seek answers to my own personal problems, from the past or where ever they were born from.

What he does or doesn’t do for himself is not up to me. He’s on his own journey too. The best I can do is be a good example. 

Just before having this conversation with himI had written a letter to God telling him that I forgave my husband for everything I had felt he had done to hurt me. I listed everything and it was long. I gave it to God and declared that my husband owed me NOTHING. I admited that there were some character defects in myself that I am committed to changing and would appreciate a little help. I was going to continue doing what I knew worked with my husband and I was committed to never having any more secrets. No more lies, not even little white ones.
You want to know what he said after telling him all of this? And yes, he didn’t see any of this coming, he was sitting there shocked as I spoke with the greatest of humbleness and maturity.
He walked over to me, kissed me on the top of my head and said, “Nothing’s changed, I love you as much today as I did yesterday.” Oh, and then he said, “You did a really good  job, because I had no idea anything was wrong.”

The benefit I see in risking, exposing and taking ownership for ourselves is that we eliminate the chance of atrophy of the heart.

By risking, we make room for our husbands to be our heroes. The benefit in risking is that we get to be responsible. (Oh joy).  We get to share our hopes and dreams with the man we fell in love with and include him in the process of making those dreams a reality.

Risking shows my kids a real life example of a woman living what she says she wants.  All of what I really want in life requires me to take risks.

 Risking in a marriage, exercises not only our heart and soul, but the heart and soul of our relationship.

Of course the key is that the risking is done responsibly. I feel confident that if I use the formula of communicating without my ego, and talking about my responsibility or lack there of,  I will find solutions to whatever problem comes my way.
Sure, it will still be scary, that’s why it’s called a risk.

I’ve always known intellectually that if I’m not risking in my marriage that it would not grow. What I didn’t realize was that it (my marriage) working fine (f.i.n.e) actually meant it was slowly, very slowly, d-y-i-n-g.

My ego was the reason why my so-called risk taking always seemed to blow up in my face. It’s funny because by nature I am a risk taker. I think I was just afraid of being hurt by my husband.

I wanted to share this with you so that you don’t put me on some sort of pedestal. I’ve had my share of heart ache and have been irresponsible from time to time. I’ve had many thoughts of thinking I married the wrong man. Today, and for who knows how long (maybe the mere fact that it’s spring)  it will last, I have never felt more in love with my husband. It’s funny, because he really hasn’t changed. But I have. Lots.

Today I feel like that woman he met while we were courting. I like her.

I heard someone once say “life is recovery”. I’m beginning to see what they mean.
Doing it alone can’t be an option my friend. You are too valuable to be doing it alone. It; meaning life.

Article by Lynnette Vetsch,

Director, Amaxa Coaching and Training Services.

www.amaxa.org.

Men Ogle While Women Have Eyes in the Back of Their  Heads.

Does it bug you that your man will turn his head faster than a rabbit being chased by a dog; almost causing himself whiplash when it comes to something that grabs his fancy? However you would never get caught while looking at some yummy piece of eye candy (and yes we all do it, not matter who we are – we are after all only human). How is that possible?  Is it because we are more sensitive to our partner’s feelings or is it because we are more refined in our behaviour as ladies?
Well it turns out that women have eyes in the back of their heads…well almost.  We, as women, have been blessed with not only having a greater variety of cones in our retinas than men; we also have a wider peripheral vision than they do. Our brain software allows us to receive an arc of at least 45 degrees of clear vision to each side of us and above and below our noses.  In many of us it can be as effective as up to 180 degrees!
A man’s eyes are larger than a woman’s and his brain configures his eyes for longer distances; basically a tunnel vision.  Thus it is as though he has a pair of binoculars built in and like binoculars he can basically only see what is in front of his eyes.
Our bodies have yet to catch up from our lives back in the caveman days.  Men had to be out hunting for food and thus be able to spot and pursue targets from a great distance.  Women as the “nest defenders” needed the greater peripheral vision for protecting the home from sneaky predators.
So ladies, please understand this information before you go ahead and try to send your man into the refrigerator or cupboards to find something that may not be directly in front of his vision.  

Lynnette Vetsch
Director
Amaxa Coaching and Training Services
www.amaxa.org

So being a thoroughbred Vancouverite, my trip to Toronto really had me appreciate this slice of heaven we have here in BC.
My husband dropped me off outside the CityTV studio and the minute I stepped outside the car, I felt like I had been slapped in the face with the -17windchill, then whoooosh, right up my dress and thwacked right on my tushy! What a beating to undergo in 3 seconds! Thank heaven I got to sit in a warm studio to recover.

Andrea MacLeod

Back in September my husband and I realized that if we were to continue living the lifestyle we were accustomed to that I’d need to go out and get a two day a week job. That was exactly the push I needed to get my book finished because heavens to mergatroid I was not going back to being a slave working my buns off to make someone else rich.

So anyway, since then I’ve gone great guns with finishing “Sister We Need to Talk” and then getting the website set up to support women who wanted to access more relationship success conversations. I’ve done all of this on a shoe string budget but none the less, money has gone out the door certainly not in the door.

The point I’m making right now is I had a vision. I knew I was worth more than what someone could pay me cooking at a restaurant (as I am a chef by trade) and my husband has witnessed me pursuing something he knows I am passionate about. 1.he knows I love to write and 2.He knows how important women and relationships are to me, and not once did he get in my way and stop me from moving forward with this.

I wanted to share this because I believe that every woman has a passion. Every woman knows that there is a part of her, that if taken away, she would shrivel up and die. There’s something that means as much to her as her own children. Or perhaps it’s her children themselves or husband that is her passion. We are all experts at something. Only until we share it with others do we really give our passion a life of  its own.

What’s yours?

Start up a New Forum Post and tell us about it. We need to hear from you. Your story means something. There is a woman right now who is looking to relate with someone like you! Your story is a gift to the world.

I’m a guest on Fridays Breakfast Television in Toronto this Friday (29th) I hope some of you get a chance to watch it so that you can put a face to the woman behind the monitor. I’ll be thinking of all of you while I’m there. Oh, what to wear?

With Kindness,

Andrea MacLeod.