So the other day I posted how lately I have been pushing the limit on being let off the hook with my behaviour and lack of relationship management because of some events and work commitments I had to complete on. I’ll just get right to the point about what I learned. IF for some reason I need to ask my husband for help because I have deadlines and projects that have become a heavy workload for me, I better make for darn sure I don’t do something as stupid as mess with his man-stuff.

HERE’S THE THING. MEN HAVE VERY LITTLE THEY CAN CALL THEIR OWN ONCE THEY ARE MARRIED.

 He jokes with our boys and says, “What’s her’s is her’s and what’s mine is her’s.” The home is a woman’s domain, it is not and never will be a man-cave. Going to work away from the home is as close to a man cave as he’s gonna get and then when he comes home, he’s not coming home to his safe, familiar, man cave, instead he comes home to a woman’s territory that has no respect for his stuff. He flipped a lid when I didn’t ask him first if I could use his desk as a cake table for my birthday party. “Lighten up” I said “it’s just a table and it was my birthday.” THAT was not the point. It was his table, it was his stuff I moved, and if I would have asked, he would have said yes and everything would be fine. To a woman this makes absolutely no sense. What a freak. But…after thinking about it I thought yah, that was really dumb of me to use something of his without asking him as I’ve known for 20 years that his few things he can call his own, which are less than 5 things, mean a lot to him.

So, wake up call number 64, “NEVER USE ANY OF MY HUSBANDS STUFF WITHOUT ASKING FIRST.” I can never be reminded of this too often.

 I think I need to go buy a new pair of shoes.TweetAndrea.

Dashboard ‹ Womensville – A Social Networking Site For Women – Looking for Love, Divorce Alternatives, Women’s Studies, Marriage Advice, Dating and Relationship — WordPress

Greetings sister,
Thanks for asking about how to recover from that common, aftermath feeling of an argument with your husband. This is something each of us wives can relate to.

You, in your ultimate wisdom and brilliance have the power and skills to turn this all around. Your marriage will have dozens more times of this happening and its OK! The key is to look at these cold shoulder moments as a distancing mechanism. Relationships need distance from time to time. I heard someone once say “what’s missing in most marriages is the missing.”

Arguing is what we do when we are too afraid to expose our heart to our husbands. Arguing is only our ego protecting us. What lies underneath the arguing is a scared, vulnerable heart not ready to be expressed.

The very best thing you can do for your relationship is to find out what pain you were trying to cover up when you were arguing and then step into a state of bravery and expose that to him. This can only be done if you are 100% sure, your ego will not flare. Exposing ourselves to our husbands is a gift, we get to accept we aren’t perfect and he sees beauty in your bravery.

When there is an obvious pulling away in my relationship, I honour it. I use it as a reflection time.

A woman’s ego prevents us from accessing intimacy with our husband. If we are afraid of being intimate (connecting and or exposing our love) our ego will be present in our relationship.

Showing our children the many ways of being intimate is the ultimate gift we can give them. Here are some baby steps towards becoming more intimate with your husband, children and friends.

Look at them; wait and when they catch you looking, smile and hold that gaze; feel the connection. (POWERFUL)
When you walk past him, run your finger across his shoulders/back, slowly.
All acts of generosity are acts of intimacy; caring for a loved one’s needs and acting on them without any expectation of anything in return.

These three things will bring great depth to any relationship.

It’s ok for our children to see us distancing from their daddy, what’s most important is that they see you coming back towards him, and then seeing you kiss after the storm has passed. Our children should see this dozens of times during their childhood. This teaches them that it ok to distance, and that coming back to each other is a choice.

Something I have implemented into my relationship is once a month, a week before my period, I say to my husband, “Honey, I’m going to be getting my period in about a week and so, I could use a little space.” This has been a profound act of superb relationship management on my part.(If I do say so myself). This actually builds in that distancing mechanism without an argument doing it for me. Arguments are our ego protecting our hearts, so I’d rather implement exposing my heart and having a structure of distancing as a form of managing my relationship successfully.

Dashboard ‹ Womensville – A Social Networking Site For Women – Looking for Love, Divorce Alternatives, Women’s Studies, Marriage Advice, Dating and Relationship — WordPress

(BTW, some of you aren’t going to like this article)
Lately as I expand my network of women to over 15,000 I see a trend for the women in their 40’s that are single, the trend looks like this; After years of a dead marriage, they divorce; all for the right reason’s apparently and then she, the wife, starts her enlightenment journey and lives happily ever after.

Womensville realizes the power that a woman taps into when she is liberated.
Leaving an unhealthy relationship so that she can become healthy again is liberating.
Leaving an addict for the safety of herself and the children is liberating.
Reclaiming your power after giving it away for decades is liberating.
Putting an end to the insanity of a failing marriage is liberating. And the list goes on.

Womensville would like to bring that liberating feeling to women in such a way that will keep her family in tact. Helping women get their relationships back on track is the name of the Womensville game. Just like the seasons, our relationships are always in a state of change. If a woman isn’t ready for the great level of responsibility her relationship requires of her, it will surely fail.

Accepting and knowing that we, the women are the only ones who are qualified to successfully manage our relationship can be liberating, with the right attitude!

It is liberating to have ‘ah-ha!’ moments that revive the trust back into a jaded relationship. It’s liberating to understand a new perspective. It’s liberating to witness yourself taking risks as a means to keep your family together. It’s liberating to show your man just how much you care about finding solutions. It’s liberating to say, “Quit messing with our relationship buddy~you have no skills!” It’s liberating to say “Honey, I need some space.” There are so many ways for women to be liberated in their relationships. The key in succeeding with that liberation is knowing if it’s your ego or your commitment that is driving the risk taking that is mandatory for a relationship to grow.

Womensville is here to teach women how to live boldly, love deeply, accept fully and access power and miracles

Womensville is here to teach women how to live boldly, love deeply, accept fully and access power and miracles into her family so that her children can ‘see mom in action.’ This is where your children will truly learn how to have successful relationships. Son’s will seek a wife with these fantastic character traits and daughters will have a role model of what it means to be committed and what it takes to succeed, in all areas of life.

We realize that not every relationship can be saved. Some things are just out of our control.

For those of you who know you could use a little coaching & who need help in staying clear on your long term vision for your relationship and family; come to Womensville.

 We’ll remind you of why you married him and why it’s important for you to take risks in your marriage. We’ll shed light on things that seem impossibly dark. We’ll remind you that “at the moment, you’re in a temporary state of insanity; have faith that the real you will be back shortly if you would just trust.” We’ll show you how to keep the monkey chatter in your head at bay and what to do if you accidentally over fed those monkeys. We’ll help you bring the romance back, heal from heartbreak, and trust when you have no reason to.

Womensville is not for all women; it’s for women who want solutions and who are willing to pay the many installments necessary to keep her family unit together, so that her children don’t have to pay the price for her.

There is great power when a woman can tap into enlightenment and share that depth of maturity with her spouse.

And for the women who are already part of the community of broken families; it’s not too late. The best gift a mom can give to her children is to respect their father, no matter how despicable he is, or what he has done to you or the kids. Respecting that he is on his own personal journey means a lot. Offering blessings and always speaking kindly to and about your children’s father will heal the damage that was done on the day that the family was officially declared dead.

This is what Womensville is. You don’t have to like it; you just have to know that it won’t change. It will always be here for you when you return and offer the same advice that is about supporting the third entity~ your relationship.

I promise to answer every question posted on the forum; and I am so confident that there is a solution to every woman’s relationship problem that if I fail to help you, I’ll buy you a coffee. And if I succeed, perhaps you could buy one for me.

Oh, and one more thing, my very close friends and family call me Andi. I invite you to call me that too, that is if you’d like to become a close friend and be part of  my family.Tweet

This link will take you to our Forum. You can make an anonymous login name to post your questions and set it up to notify you when comments have been made on your post.

Andrea MacLeod
Founder of Womensville.com

 Womensville – A Social Networking Site For Women – Looking for Love, Divorce Alternatives, Women’s Studies, Marriage Advice, Dating and Relationship — WordPress

Today’s Relationship Tip: Better than a shoe sale at Nordstrom’s.

Just like managing money, our relationships need to be managed. Our relationship bank account goes up and down reflective of our generosity or lack there of.

If there is one place I would tell wives to be the most generous, it’s with your life-time mate. Right from the get-go or if you are in need of reviving your whithering marriage, generosity is the only investment that always has a high rate of return. There is no risk when we are being generous; the returns are high and it affects the quality of our daily life and the lives of people we encounter.

A woman who is generous must first be plugged into a state of gratitude or else her generosity will not be sincere.

When life’s daily punches come our way, having a relationship that is built on a foundation of generosity and gratitude,  will help us to recover that much quicker.

Having a rich meaningful relationship with your husband takes years of conscious acts of generosity. Make being generous your friend. Tap into all of what’s in it for you to be generous, and in 10 or 15 years, you’ll be saying, “It was the best thing I ever did for my relationship!”

Andrea.Tweet

 Womensville – A Social Networking Site For Women – Looking for Love, Divorce Alternatives, Women’s Studies, Marriage Advice, Dating and Relationship — WordPress

Self esteem and status. Self Esteem and Status…so women in North America are ruled by their self-esteem and status eh? You know when my self-esteem is high and life is going great, I don’t question this theory. I’m the first to admit that yes, I see it clear as day, especially when looking at the women around me. But me???? Noooo! Not  me!

Ok, fine, even me. I would say I know myself really well. I know my natural strengths and character defects and can safely say that I live a life that is filled with joy and gratitude.  Having fun and rich experiences seem to overrule my need to have material things.

Not long ago I caught a glimpse of a show called party mama’s on TV, and after watching the women act like spoiled brats, out of control B’s, that had no regard for their husbands that were forking out the money for the extravagant party for the four year old, I had to turn it off. I thanked God,(& my parents) that I had been given a no-problem disposition and a humble spirit of gratitude. I felt sick about the thought of ever taking on traits of the women on that show.

Recently one of my own friends said something that I had heard before; yes, I heard it on party mama’s. It sounded like this… “I want what I want and I don’t care how much it costs…” (there was more, but I can’t bear to write it). I left my friends sick to my stomach, and new that she had to be severed from my life. The problem was that I loved this woman and her family; hence the termoil. Then later I had a voice from the heavens tell me…

 “SHE is not your problem.”

 I always trust these loud audible messages,(I don’t always like them) so far they have always been EXACTLY what I needed to hear, no doubt a message from God.  So I asked myself, “What is it, if it’s not her, why do I feel so enraged?What is my problem?” 

The truth was, there was a part of me that wished I were more like her. The fact is, her temper tantrums get her stuff.

The fortunate (or unfortunate depending on how I look at it) thing for me is that I married a man who wouldn’t have married me if I had even a hint of “I want what I want, and I don’t care what it costs.” Nor would he ever tolerate temper tantrums.

 There is no way I could ever behave like her and get away with it, and damn it, she drives a Mercedes, lives in the west end and seems to have access to as much money as she cares to spend.

A slice of humble pie please.

Andrea.

Womensville- a social networking Site foro Women looking for love, divorce alternatives, dating and parenting tips. Speaking to the greatness found in all women.

Thank you Marci Shimoff for joining Womensville Radio. Thank you for sharing yourself with us so intimately. I really loved your story of forgiveness that you shared about you and your sister. Sharing how to “Love for no reason” is a profound message that I hope women will be touched by as I was.” Host of Womensville Radio, Andrea MacLeod.

Womensville.com A social networking site for women looking for love, dating advice, parenting support, personal coaching and divorce alternatives.

Marci Shimoff (Shy-Moff) is a #1 New York Times bestselling author and a world-renowned transformation teacher. As an expert on happiness, success, and unconditional love, Marci has inspired millions of people around the globe, sharing her breakthrough methods for personal fulfillment and professional success. Her newest book, Love for No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love is brand new out right now. In it, Marci introduces a revolutionary program to live in a deep and lasting state of love and shows you how to access that at any time and in any circumstance. Marci’s other books include the runaway bestseller, Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out and six titles in the phenomenally successful Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul series. Her books have sold more than 14 million copies worldwide in 33 languages, have topped all of the major bestseller lists, and have been on the New York Times bestseller list for a total of 118 weeks. Marci is one of the bestselling female nonfiction authors of all time. Marci is the also the host of the national PBS television special called Happy for No Reason. In addition, she’s a featured teacher in the international film and book sensation, The Secret. Marci is a professional speaker and a leading expert on happiness, success, and unconditional love. She is dedicated to helping people live more empowered and joy-filled lives. Please join me in welcoming to our show today, Marci Shimoff. (after the interview) To learn more about Marci, please visit her website www.TheLoveBook.com

Divorced? Don’t be too hard on yourself. No woman walks down the isle thinking, “O.K, so 7 years from now, I’m going to leave, my kids are going to live with me two weeks a month, and the man I’m about to marry is not going to be making his child support payments.”

Sometimes the worst case scenario happens (sometimes because too often we focus on that) but what’s done is done. I have personally met women who two years or more after divorcing their husbands and splitting up the kids and a life of hell, they get back together. I’ve seen couples get back together and recreate the relationship and it is nothing short of miraculous. I used to think this was quite unique, but now there are more and more women who are tapping into enlightenment and encouraging their girlfriends to join them. In doing that, women’s social circles see reconsiling things with your ex husband as socially acceptable. 

 Obviously there’s something huge for the children to gain from this besides the fact that their parents are back together but also they get to see how the two worked things out, and can be included in why everything happened the way it did, and that mom and dad just needed time to work things out.

Now for those of you who cringe at this thought, don’t worry,  you too can give your child many gifts from the unfortunate breakdown of your marriage. You may think I’m going to say that showing them you are happy in your next relationship or marriage would be it, but that comes only second to what I’m going to say. The best gift you can give to your children is to have a successful and productive relationship with your ex husband. No badmouthing. No blaming. Always being courteous and kind. Smile at him and laugh with him. Show your children that you have the character to be able to go your separate ways because it was what had to be done, and that you care enough about your children for them to witness that their parents are mature enough to still get along.

The relationship you have with your ex, reveals the truth about your character. Even if he is a complete freak, you can emit forgiveness, cooperativeness and pleasant communication. It doesn’t matter how good your relationship is with your new husband. You and your ex will always be the parents of your children and that is the relationship they will model.

If you are looking for a way to shape your character, tap into enlightenment or make a difference in your community. Start with reconcilingthings with your ex.

Definition of Reconcile:

• end conflict: to solve a dispute or end a quarrel
•  to persuade somebody or yourself to accept that something undesirable cannot be changed.
• put people back on friendly terms: to bring two or more people back into a friendly relationship with each other 

You’ll be surprised at how reconsiling things with your ex, (whatever that looks like), will impact your life and your children’s future. You will give them skills that they need in life. You will show them how responsible you are. You just might save them from also becoming a product of divorce. You can do it. If you want to.

Womensville, a social networking site for women. Divorce alternatives, dating, relationship advice, women.

Hello friends.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the purpose of womensville. So that you will want to come back and mostly so that you can leave inspired and ready to put into action things that will truly impact and grow you, in your current relationships.

Here’s what I know;  after spending close to 22 years meeting every week with women. Women need each other. Even though we are some of the most capable and successful women in the world, we still need each other.

One of the tragic things about women is that they compete with each other, not for each other. If women could shift their competitive nature with each other, we could really change the world.

Women compete for status and image. Women, even the most successful have low self esteem, because there’s always another woman who has more of what they want. As soon as we loose touch with being in a state of gratitude, that’s when the villain of low self esteem pops in. (I talk about this in chapter four of my book).

I had the fortunate experience of finding a women’s group that was so committed to serving the community, that we had little time to compete with each other. Instead we competed for each other and all of our lives benefited.

There are very few opportunities for women to really support each other like that.

I just want you to know that I am that woman for you. All those women that fought for my success in my marriage, are the reason I’m still married today.(and happily I might add.)  I am that woman who will tell you what you don’t want to hear, and not worry about you not liking me any more. I am that woman who will love you all the way to success. I am that woman who will not sell out on you.

One of the reasons why women sell out on each other is we don’t want to loose our friends and we don’t want our friends talking badly about us behind our backs. And when tough love is present and it doesn’t land right, that’s exactly what is at stake for all of us.

Just to be clear. I’m here to;

• Support you in finding solutions to your relationship problems.
• Help you stay tapped into all of the reason’s you fell in love with your husband but may have forgotten.
• Give you hope that you are not alone and that right now, you can change your reality to more of what you want.
• Show you concrete examples of how to keep your level of self esteem high and authentic.
• Point you in the right direction of getting professional help if needed.
• Remind you, that you are perfect and loved right now, just the way you are.

I, Andrea MacLeod, promise that my mission is to support women to succeed in their relationships. My only motive is to love, support, guide and offer as much assistance and practical advice that I know works. I promise to confess if  I just don’t know  how to help you. I promise to be as authentic with you as possible so that you can trust me. I promise that what I offer you is based on the last 21 years of meeting with hundreds of women each week and is based on what I witnessed and have practiced myself.

 

Womensville. A social networking site for women.

 

Here are some of the topics that women just like you are talking about on the Womensville.com FORUM. You are welcome to comment on any of these. Be brave. Offer your voice and offer your own struggles. We are all women and we all know how it feels to be stuck. We also know how it feels to get unstuck. Success stories are always welcome! Your story could change the life of another.

•    How can I learn to trust myself more? by Dazed and Confused 
•    My friend is breaking my heart! by Martyr’s Friend 
•    TV and Computer Intake Challenge by Andrea MacLeod
•    As you stand in the light of success, be warned the minute you start focusing (at all) on your own needs, you will be whipped off the success track like one of those mass train derailments. I promise you this. by womensville 
• Fantasy: “I want to be able to tell him everything, that’s what real trust is in a relationship.” by womensville 
• Making decisions in your relationship is no place for your emotion filled fantasies. by womensville 
• Turning it around on a dime. Relationship Tension. by Andrea MacLeod
•  Is this a sign of infedelity? by Confused in BC 
• Does he have what it takes? by Lily  
•  Relationship Mentor by Lily  
•  Living Together by Lily 
• Marriage is Seasonal by womensville 
• Going to the next level by WhatToDo 
• It’s all about Perception Baby. He can and IS your Knight, right now. by Andrea MacLeod 
• I can’t take his negative attitude anymore. help! by VancouverGirl 
• Living with Grumpy…any help or opinions would be great! by Sunshine67
• 3 dates and you’re out – do I say so or not? 
• Sister, We Need To Talk by Lynnette 
• What’s Your Bliss? by womensville 
• Dating – when to narrow it down to one by Lily
• Feeling Frustrated by Tania C 
• I cheated on my husband by Girlie Girl 
• Learning about his terms or being walked over? by Lily  

Women need to express all the time. The mere act of expressing is often all a woman needs, to come to her senses and make the necessary changes to get the results she wants.

Sometimes women need to express and be related to, before we can believe that we are not alone and that our problem isn’t unique.

Womensville’s Forum is a place to express whatever is encumbering you.  Womensville.com will respond to all posts like this; We will assume you the reader/listener are already at a place of high self esteem. If the advice given  does not sit well for you ask yourself, “how would I respond to this if I were in a state of high self esteem?” Then decide if taking your self esteem level into your own hands is something you want to do, so that you can access results. This, my friend is what personal coaching is all about. We’re here to help you get results. REAL results.

Before you post something on the forum it will be helpful to you if you first decide if what you want and need is;

a) just a place to vent

b) seeking someone who can relate to you, so that you can access hope and  not feel alone.

c) needing a place to be right

d) ready to access the advice given by womensville, by taking responsibility for raising your level of self esteem, so that the advice can best reach you and give you the results you are looking for.

Womensville. A social networking site for women.

So I thought it was only fair that if I’m asking you, my loyal Womensville family to expose yourself and your personal problems, that it would only be fair that I do the same. Let me tell you a little more about  me, and my marriage.

I’ve attended lots of personal development workshops, courses, programs, women’s groups as well as read most popular, self improvement books that have helped me become the woman I am today. I have no regrets on any of them.

It’s been quite fun, exciting and relatively easy over the years growing and improving myself ….until now!

Last year, I decided to attend my churches 12 step program called “freedom session”. We’re located in the city and have regular recovering visitors looking for hope.  I was so impressed that our pastors and leaders completed the course that I thought, “How could I not also humble myself enough to take the course?”  This cool young pastor said, “We’re all in recovery.”

 This intrigued me. So I went. How hard could it be? I know all about how to be a good participant in a course. It’ll be great, fun, exciting…I’m in!

This has been one of the most excruciating courses I’ve ever done. Not only is it over nine months long, every week, with ridiculous amounts of homework, but also has required me to expose things about myself to the group that no one else knows about me. I’m talking stuff I was planning on taking to the grave stuff. Yah, tough.

After lots of work, I finally was divinely lead to a place of coming clean with my husband about how I had been holding myself back from giving all of myself to him. I told him that I was forever done with blaming him for my irresponsible actions and that I was truly sorry for the stuff I had mismanaged in the past.

Yes, it was a day that I decided to put on my big girl panties and act like a grown up girl… woman.

 
I can honestly say and mean it when I say ” he owes me nothing”. Only I am responsible for me. Only I can seek answers to my own personal problems, from the past or where ever they were born from.

What he does or doesn’t do for himself is not up to me. He’s on his own journey too. The best I can do is be a good example. 

Just before having this conversation with himI had written a letter to God telling him that I forgave my husband for everything I had felt he had done to hurt me. I listed everything and it was long. I gave it to God and declared that my husband owed me NOTHING. I admited that there were some character defects in myself that I am committed to changing and would appreciate a little help. I was going to continue doing what I knew worked with my husband and I was committed to never having any more secrets. No more lies, not even little white ones.
You want to know what he said after telling him all of this? And yes, he didn’t see any of this coming, he was sitting there shocked as I spoke with the greatest of humbleness and maturity.
He walked over to me, kissed me on the top of my head and said, “Nothing’s changed, I love you as much today as I did yesterday.” Oh, and then he said, “You did a really good  job, because I had no idea anything was wrong.”

The benefit I see in risking, exposing and taking ownership for ourselves is that we eliminate the chance of atrophy of the heart.

By risking, we make room for our husbands to be our heroes. The benefit in risking is that we get to be responsible. (Oh joy).  We get to share our hopes and dreams with the man we fell in love with and include him in the process of making those dreams a reality.

Risking shows my kids a real life example of a woman living what she says she wants.  All of what I really want in life requires me to take risks.

 Risking in a marriage, exercises not only our heart and soul, but the heart and soul of our relationship.

Of course the key is that the risking is done responsibly. I feel confident that if I use the formula of communicating without my ego, and talking about my responsibility or lack there of,  I will find solutions to whatever problem comes my way.
Sure, it will still be scary, that’s why it’s called a risk.

I’ve always known intellectually that if I’m not risking in my marriage that it would not grow. What I didn’t realize was that it (my marriage) working fine (f.i.n.e) actually meant it was slowly, very slowly, d-y-i-n-g.

My ego was the reason why my so-called risk taking always seemed to blow up in my face. It’s funny because by nature I am a risk taker. I think I was just afraid of being hurt by my husband.

I wanted to share this with you so that you don’t put me on some sort of pedestal. I’ve had my share of heart ache and have been irresponsible from time to time. I’ve had many thoughts of thinking I married the wrong man. Today, and for who knows how long (maybe the mere fact that it’s spring)  it will last, I have never felt more in love with my husband. It’s funny, because he really hasn’t changed. But I have. Lots.

Today I feel like that woman he met while we were courting. I like her.

I heard someone once say “life is recovery”. I’m beginning to see what they mean.
Doing it alone can’t be an option my friend. You are too valuable to be doing it alone. It; meaning life.