Recovering from an Argument
Thanks for asking about how to recover from that common, aftermath feeling of an argument with your husband. This is something each of us wives can relate to.
You, in your ultimate wisdom and brilliance have the power and skills to turn this all around. Your marriage will have dozens more times of this happening and its OK! The key is to look at these cold shoulder moments as a distancing mechanism. Relationships need distance from time to time. I heard someone once say “what’s missing in most marriages is the missing.”
Arguing is what we do when we are too afraid to expose our heart to our husbands. Arguing is only our ego protecting us. What lies underneath the arguing is a scared, vulnerable heart not ready to be expressed.
The very best thing you can do for your relationship is to find out what pain you were trying to cover up when you were arguing and then step into a state of bravery and expose that to him. This can only be done if you are 100% sure, your ego will not flare. Exposing ourselves to our husbands is a gift, we get to accept we aren’t perfect and he sees beauty in your bravery.
When there is an obvious pulling away in my relationship, I honour it. I use it as a reflection time.
A woman’s ego prevents us from accessing intimacy with our husband. If we are afraid of being intimate (connecting and or exposing our love) our ego will be present in our relationship.
Showing our children the many ways of being intimate is the ultimate gift we can give them. Here are some baby steps towards becoming more intimate with your husband, children and friends.
Look at them; wait and when they catch you looking, smile and hold that gaze; feel the connection. (POWERFUL)
When you walk past him, run your finger across his shoulders/back, slowly.
All acts of generosity are acts of intimacy; caring for a loved one’s needs and acting on them without any expectation of anything in return.
These three things will bring great depth to any relationship.
It’s ok for our children to see us distancing from their daddy, what’s most important is that they see you coming back towards him, and then seeing you kiss after the storm has passed. Our children should see this dozens of times during their childhood. This teaches them that it ok to distance, and that coming back to each other is a choice.
Something I have implemented into my relationship is once a month, a week before my period, I say to my husband, “Honey, I’m going to be getting my period in about a week and so, I could use a little space.” This has been a profound act of superb relationship management on my part.(If I do say so myself). This actually builds in that distancing mechanism without an argument doing it for me. Arguments are our ego protecting our hearts, so I’d rather implement exposing my heart and having a structure of distancing as a form of managing my relationship successfully.
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