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Dear Andi,

I listened to your talkshow on trusting your intuition and the women on the show made it sound so easy. I understand there is a difference between being in my ego and being in high self-esteem but how can I tell? I don’t trust my intuition worth shit, everything I have ever done has led me to chaos and drama. I am sick of that and want to live a life of peace and integrity. So how do I do that? Is it really as simple as just finding a woman who has what you want and then serve her? The woman I trust and admire is a self motivated, “doer” and I don’t think she would want me to help her or serve her. Why would she when I am so confused and messed up all the time?

-Dazed and Confused

Dear D.C (Daring and Caring, screw the Dazed and Confused!)
You reaching out and seeking answers is your ticket to finding what you are looking for friend. I too have been suckered by my own ego thinking that I was in a state of high self esteem because it has all the same outward affects on how I feel about myself, which is usually confident and happy.I have to be careful not to confuse Confidence with Recklessness.

What I’ve come to realize after going through a grueling 8 months of the twelve step program at my church,is that there is a clear sign to know if our ego is engaged and is tricking us into thinking we’re in good shape. If there is any lie involved in my actions no matter how confident I feel, this is a trick. The purity of high self esteem can not be tainted with blame or lies.

I read an article in a local Magazine that had a woman boasting about ending her 34 year marriage and admitting that the demise of her marriage started when she was bored and decided to take a course at a local college which then lead to her pursuing personal development courses…then one day her husband said “don’t pull that assertive sh*# on me Susan”…then she said she “begged her husband to expand his own horizons for 11 years before she decided to leave” him. This article is a classic case of a woman thinking she is in a state of high self esteem by ‘asserting herself’ with her boring husband. This is a trick. Imagine if this woman was in a place of “honey, you owe me nothing, and i love you just the way you are” and then persued communicating with him from that place.
Any sign of righteousness is a red flag. 

The kind of self esteem I’m committed to helping women access is the one that comes from a humble and beautiful willingness to not blame anyone for anything and who can honestly admit, ‘this is where I need help the most’ . If a woman can answer this, it will help her ego stay out of her risk taking, “Based on where my relationship is right now, what part did I play to have it be this way?” This is what I call standing in truth. Taking ownership and then making room for miracles.Miracles happen everyday.

Yes, serving in your community is a great place to start because it gives women a chance to take a breather from focusing on their own problems for a while. Some women just can’t stop obsessing over themselves.
So…back to the drama. Do a moral inventory in your journal and ask yourself “what’s in it for me to have so much drama in my life?” Sometimes women need drama because it gives them a chance to feel alive, or like a savior to someone they are helping. You can do another inventory with the people in your life and find out if you need to make some new kind of friends/peers. You answering these questions honestly is the first step in trusting yourself.
I hope this helps. You are loved. You can walk in joy and peace, and you can find healing if you keep seeking the truth. You will find the answers, I promise. Please keep us posted friend. We love you. *do you feel it?*  
ps If you have the courage, see if a local church in your neighborhood is running the twelve step program called “freedom session”. Our church believes every person is in recovery from something, it’s not just for addicts. We are a flawed species and this course takes the cake in my oppinion. It costs next to nothing and you don’t have to believe in God to attend. Although you probably will before it’s over.